I’ve gotten a lot of messages about my recently-published article on Kveller; mostly very kind, some very judgmental and downright hurtful. One lady suggested that I should have gotten a dog versus having a kid. So that was nice.
But all messages are welcome, and being judgmental is ok. Everyone judges because living life is about making decisions; and to decide, you have to make a judgment. This isn’t a philosophy blog, but look: if I put myself out there, I have no right to expect people not to judge.
I do think the article headline is slightly misleading, albeit good click bait. Several people reacted to the headline, but maybe didn't take the time to read the words. If they had, they would have understood that I do not regret having a child, but sometimes I feel that way. And those feelings come when the mundane tasks of raising a toddler overwhelm. Someone brought up a great point: if we loved mundane tasks, it would be worrisome; if we loved mundane tasks, we’d be robots.
Another interesting question was, would you ever want Elliot to see that article? This question gave me pause, because I would never want him to feel unwanted or unloved. But, if he turns into a thoughtful young man (which is the goal), he will know me and realize that this text isn't about not loving him. He might even be puzzled that I ever felt this way, because he’ll only know me as his super-amazing, kick-ass mom, who’s got his back no matter what ;-)
Most importantly, I want Elliot to know that I’m not afraid to tell the truth. I want him to know this so he’s not afraid to tell the truth. There are many kinds of writers, but I want to be one who writes courageously and unapologetically.
And on another, perhaps more relevant note—isn’t it a good thing for our sons know how freaking-hard it is to raise a child? Wouldn’t knowing this make them better men, partners and spouses?
I should think so.