I have been quiet on this blog for a while because it’s been a rough start to the year: my marriage ended, and I had some drama at work that was totally unexpected. Actually, it was all unexpected.
For a month or so, I was pretty despondent. I couldn’t understand what I had done to deserve this. And believe me, I thought long and hard. Because when things aren’t working out, I always point to myself first—I try to figure out how my behavior or attitude contributed to where I’ve landed.
The truth is there isn’t a good answer to why I suddenly found myself fighting a war on two fronts (pardon the dramatic expression). Sure, there are common themes that connect the failures (?), but frankly, shi*t really does just happen.
The good news is, most things are transient. After about a month and half of despondency and self-pity, I started feeling better. I picked myself up, put on my skater-face, got a new job and started to realize that I could in fact be happy, even though my life wasn’t going the way I had hoped.
Looking back on these four, long, life event-packed months, I have a few takeaways that I want to share:
Gratitude is everything. In the midst of despondency, you’ll find it (sounds super cheesy, but it's true). Because that’s when people show up; the ones who love and care about you and want to help. This is everything.
Time doesn’t heal wounds; a fling does. That’s right.
Connect with your past. Thinking back to who I was before adulthood, and the things I accomplished and overcame, helped me realize that I’m made of substance… good substance. I'd venture to call it, grit.
Define your boundaries. Don’t put up walls because you’ve been hurt; rather, decide what you will and will not put up with.
Celebrate your resilience. It’s not easy to get up, but you did, so you sure as hell better give yourself a pat on the back... or a new handbag.
Find a good shrink who's smarter than you are.
I'll leave it at that for now.